I‘ve been writing a lot more lately….just not in this blog. My writing, like my thoughts, are all over the place, which makes me afraid that this blog will just seem disjointed and chaotic, just like you’d imagine a rambling wanderer would write, so I don’t post. I tell myself that someday I’ll find that smooth rhythm that joins all my thoughts together enough to post on here regularly…just like the cooking blogs have or the photography blogs…I think I’ve just been lying to myself. So, as I sit here eating pretzels and ranch at 11:19 on a Friday night I am deciding to just start spilling my thoughts into this blog regardless of how random they all seem to be and how vulnerable they make me feel. Please join me on this journey that I’ve started so many times, for my hope is that I will make a difference in your life, that I will help you on a day when life is a struggle, that I will encourage you to go all in when all you want to do is climb back into bed, and I will have just the right words to help you see life a little brighter on a dim day.
I go on a lot of adventures and my life can look like it is always good, but it’s not, and that’s okay as long as we keep learning along the way right. I want to share some of my struggles that might look a lot like your struggles….it won’t be easy for me, but I am sure I’ll find a way.
I find it hard to put myself out there with my thoughts that are tied so strongly to feelings…..feelings that won’t always match my readers, and that too is a bit scary to me. I don’t like confrontation, but welcome respectful dialog, just not on this website…(I turn off the comments because they just get filled with the strangest spam messages you could ever think of, but please find me on Facebook and talk with me there).
Brene Brown talks a lot about vulnerability. I recently read her book Braving the Wilderness. It was fantastic. We think we are all alone in our insecurities, but in reality, many of us worry about what our peers are thinking about us. Hopefully they are thinking “You go Girl!”, but our mind often gets the best of us…I know mine has. I come from a small town…I love coming from a small town especially the one I come from, but coming from that small town has also made me shy away from creating this blog with real feelings typed out along the way….(what will the ladies at the bank think? Will they scoff at the nerve of me thinking I can write something that might make a difference in someone else’s life? (They are wonderful ladies, I am quite sure they would be some of my biggest cheerleaders, but my mind doesn’t always tell me that) What about the people I went to school with, they know who I was and how I acted back in my youth…will they believe I’ve actually grown up and am an asset to society, or will they remember a time when I was young and did things to fit in instead of always doing what was right (I adore my classmates by the way…and I think I was a pretty good kid….I’m sure they could tell you stories, but hopefully they won’t.) There are even a few people from that small town who I wish I could just hide this whole blog from for fear of what they might be thinking about it….but if I told them I was intimidated by them I think they would be shocked, then they would probably assure me they really are not thinking anything but good things about me and my blog. But I still find myself feeling a bit uneasy deciding to openly share my thoughts and writings with the world, however I think I’m finally ready.
My word for 2020 came to me in the loveliest of ways (I’ll share that story soon) and the word was ‘freedom’, so with a new-found freedom I am going to break free from the crippling thoughts that have kept my words tied up inside of me until they’ve died and I am going to create this blog for you, for the ladies at the bank, for my home town, for my classmates, for my friends and even for my kids….that’s a whole new set of vulnerability issues for me, but who am I kidding…they are all too busy being the amazing adults they are and living out their lives to read their Momma’s blog…so I’m good to go. And as for my husband…I’m not even going to feel an ounce of vulnerability there because he is my biggest cheerleader and he has a great deal to do with why I now have the courage to really dive into this blog and make it into something people can turn to for entertainment and encouragement.
Yes, I have decided to take Brene Brown’s advice to be brave and go all in. I’m excited, a little nervous, and hopeful that the words, which seemingly fly out of my fingertips and miraculously show up on my computer screen, will make a difference in your life.
I would like you all to know….I will be honest. I will be encouraging. I will cry when I am hurting. I will cry if I know you are hurting. I will be vulnerable. I will be authentic. I will write as if what I have to say is just what someone is needing to hear. I will share my faith. I will share my fears. I will share my joys. I will write as if that is exactly why God placed me on His great earth in the first place.
Thank you for joining me on this journey.